Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
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