so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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