my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
