I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
