So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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