I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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