Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's blow job season.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
