Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
