All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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