I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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