I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
