see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
