Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
