we have pet lesbian snakes
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
should my penis look like a turkey
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
