Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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