My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
