I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
