Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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