I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
