too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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