This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
