i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
