She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
