5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
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