I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You were trust falling into bushes
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
