It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
