Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
