Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
