all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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