Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
