Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
