i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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