dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
