Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
