Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
