Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
