By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
