Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
