Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I cockslap morals
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
