Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
