I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
