I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
