You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
