so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
