it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
