Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
