But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
