therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
