Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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