I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
God I need to hump something, right now.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
